I think I’m going to start naming my “random thoughts” post as dear diary for the days when I just want to post stream of consciousness type stuff about my day/week without thinking about any particular issue.

So my day, I woke up feeling ill, more ill than usual I mean along with the headache I was gassy and my stomach hurt BAD so I took my time, I’m in this weird place where I’m ACTUALLY excited to get up and go, because I feel like I have so much to do that I actually want to do like find time to get my lovely cat better food, toys furniture, apply for job, push out some $$ application, think of projects that I might want to do, write leters to my brothers and sisters back home, take a walk…cook, grocery shopping for fresh veggies, that one has been on the list of things to do for like a month. Then there is the feeling of exhaustion and my body sometimes literally reminding me that I need to take care, I need to pace myself..i’ve gotten ill in the last year and didn’t produce like an ablebodied person read failed in my world of internalized ableism and that is a success, I let myself move at my pace….thats damn good and I got a lot of shit done in the last year take my move for one instance J

Anyways this morning instead of freaking out as I usually do, I just took an extra hour was a little late for class, left the pile of clothes that have been sitting on my bedroom floor since I returned from my trvals on my bday and went to class. I felt like somehome I’m more in control of myself, my body, what it need, I know when I just a little more time…now all I gotta do is communicate WHICH is exactly why I get pissed PISSEd when I do finally communicate and I’m not heard/made to feel like I’m not heard etc. But then again I guess most ppl experience that.

I started most of my research for my paper, technically my last paper for my undergrad degree and I graduate as a fairly accomplished degree holder, disability or NOT J yes that is my supercrip PRIDE….

I feel like a grateful gimp, glad that I’ve been held up, pushed and supported throughout my six years by a FEW. That’s good enough for me.

Its 10:25pm, they’re announcing that the building closes in 30 minutes…I’m going home to my cat, my desktop to keep trying to write this paper, some food no wine even though I’m already chilling one in preparation for Thursday when I hand this shit and start torturous process number two grad school followed in quick succession by PHD and then will I stop going to school? Maybe a second degree or to make my dad happy I’ll go to law school, LOL

Oh yeah report back on FUCKERy and silencing in the classroom fucking racialized prof asks if immigrants do better in canada? White people are ALL like yES, we have no slavery I’m like WOW bitches ….we ALL know there was slavery in canada, how can you be teaching a class on racism and ethnicity and attempt to deny and erase the fact of SLAVERY in Canada..i was flabbergastedly and magnanonimously unequivocally horrified and damn…my feelings were just hurt. I actually liked her, not any more dude, not any more…damn HISTORY ppl; check africville, Canada was a fucking segregated society in fact, her denial of this fact until she was checked by yours truly diminished u of t prestige..LOL I told yall I was a neoliberal at heart..No joke homie, clearly I’m tired